You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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