dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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