took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
