I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
