I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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