Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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