Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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