I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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