yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
