hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
