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• (818): View more from California

  Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I felt like a fucking code breaker.

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• (909): View more from California

  We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I love tequila.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I wish I had a frozen water bed.

  (253): View more from Washington

  best. idea. ever.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real

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• (315): View more from New York

  Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...

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