I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
