everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
