it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
