Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
