you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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