I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
