Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
