I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
