If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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