I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
