Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
