Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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