i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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