the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
