Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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