Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
