it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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