he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
