I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
