my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
