I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
