ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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