people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
