Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
