I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
