it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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