He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
