I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
