I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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