hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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