she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
