I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
