I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
