Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
