I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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