A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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