don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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