Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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