Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish you could order shots online.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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