we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
