:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
