I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
