My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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