3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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