oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i out mim tonsoeep
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
